Episode 472: How I’m Unlearning the Need to Hustle & Giving Myself Permission to Make My Own “Rules”

Jamila Souffrant 0:02

You have to play the game in order to win the game. And I'm not saying you can't create your own rules on the side and do different things, but first you have to understand the current rules, not saying that you have to follow them to a tee. I think the people who actually make it and do amazing in this world break the rules, but first you have to learn how to operate in them in order to know which ones you can break and how to break them. Welcome to the journey. To launch podcast with your host Jamila Souffrant as a money expert who wants her talk she helps brave journeyers like you get out of debt, save, invest and build real wealth. Join her on the journey to launch to financial freedom in 54321,

Jamila Souffrant 0:56

if you want the episode show notes for this episode, go to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you're listening to this episode in the show notes, you'll get the transcribed version of the conversation, the links that we mentioned, and so much more. Also, whether you are an OG journeyer or brand new to the podcast, I've created a free jumpstart guide to help you on your financial freedom journey. It includes the top episodes to listen to, stages to go through to reach financial freedom, resources and so much more you can go to journey to launch.com/jumpstart to get your guide right now. Okay, let's hop into the episode. Hey, hey, hey jersey, welcome to the journey to launch podcast. I'm your host, Jamila Souffrant, and let me tell you something. You almost did not get an episode this week. Well, maybe not an episode. You might have gotten a rewind, but this episode really is timely. I'm recording it the day before it's released, and so it's something that happened to me today that highlighted where I am on the journey and put more things into perspective for me, made me pause and say, aha. Here it is. Here is what you are still working on. So let me break it down for you. I was scheduled to have a podcast interview today, so I had guests who are going to come on the show, and I've been playing it kind of close with the podcast lately. I mean, years ago, I used to schedule guests far in advance and have episodes ready to go interviews pre recorded weeks in advance, and I found myself recently not having that kind of runway, and so today, this week, was one of those short notice. I had an interview the day before the episode needed to be released, and I thought to myself, well, if they cancel, I guess I'll record a solo episode. And I was getting ready to sit down and do the interview, and I saw the email and they said that they had to reschedule. They couldn't do it, which is actually fine for me, because things come up, I'm totally okay with that. But then I said to myself, Oh, I need to record a solo episode. And I gotta be honest with you, after years of doing the podcast, this podcast now has been going on since 2017 and I've had solo episodes, and I've had a lot of interviews, so it's been a mixture of both. But I gotta admit, sometimes I think, is there anything left to say, like personally? And I know there is because, part of why maybe you follow me and have been following the podcast is because you like hearing my personal journey, and I led a lot with that when I first started, because you were with me when I was still working a full time job and then building journey to launch on the side. And you were with me when I announced that I quit my job. And you're with me, if you guys remember, I had my daughter while I was doing the podcast, and so I was pregnant with her, and then also gave birth. And so you were with me for all that, and I shared those moments, and I continue to share my journey, but I find that as I continue on, and I'm in this stage of a bit of unknowingness about what I want to do next, that I feel like I don't really have much to say. But then I know when I do these solo episodes, people like them, and that's when I get the responses like, Hey, I love these ones, because it's like the real deal of what's going on and so but to be honest, I was like, Oh, I don't know if I can, I can bring a solo episode to you guys tomorrow. I don't know what to talk about. I feel like I've said most of the things already. And then as soon as I was going to try to think about something to talk about, I got a call from the school nurse for one of my kids, and they were like, it's not an emergency, but you know, He's coughing, and if you can pick him up, it'd be great if you could, but if you can't, that's fine. Now there's about. Two hours at this point, when they call me that school is going to be ending. So I'm saying to myself, two hours is not that bad. I mean, I knew that my son was a little sick. He didn't have a fever, he didn't seem like anything contagious, cough, plus algae season. And I was like, hmm, he's two more hours. I mean, he could, he could thug it out. And then the other thing was he would have to take the bus home. He usually takes the city bus home, and I pick him up not too far from our house. And so I'm thinking, Well, I have things I can be doing for work. I also have to pick up my other children at their other school. And so pick going to pick him up. Just throws everything off. You know what? Let me just maybe he needs to stay. So I told the nurse, you know, let me think about it a bit. I'll call you back. And then I thought about it, and I'm like, wait a second, why go pick him up?

Jamila Souffrant 5:54

And there was so many emotions, or just things around that. And at first it would seem very like, simple, right? Like it's either you pick your kid up or you don't pick your kid up. But there's some layers that I want to uncover with you as I was thinking through it, I was as I was driving to get him, because my first thought was, wait, I have to work. I have to do things. And then it just hit me, like, Isn't this what you worked for? Isn't this the point of what you're doing. Because when I think about it, if that interview would have happened, I would have been in the middle of the interview when they called me. And typically I don't answer the phone unless I see it's the nurse. But by the time the interview was done, I might have said, You know what, it's only like 30 minutes left until he has to leave, he can take the bus. But I was like, Wait a second, this interview was canceled. Now you have a couple hours open for you to do what you want. So why are you making the decision to work on something you actually don't even want to do? So to be honest, I did not want to record a solo episode, and so as I'm driving to pick him up, I'm actually recording a voice, a voice note, just trying to get my thoughts out, because I'm like, You know what? I think I could share this with my with my audience, with my journeyers, because some things that I pulled out of that was the hustle that got me here is something that is a stronghold on me still. So this hustle that built me also it's still trapping me in a way is that hustle culture, people talk about where I have the flexibility, I have the leeway and the options to make choices. And I do make a lot of great choices for myself, and I do feel like I get a lot of time to rest. I'm not working as much, but for years when I was hustling, especially when I was working full time, and then I had journey to launch on the side, I remember just being exhausted, working full time, driving two hours each way, coming home, having the kids at the time, being pregnant, working on journey to launch, doing all of my interviews at night, because I Couldn't do it in the daytime, as opposed to now. Now, 99.9 of my interviews are in the middle of the day, but back when I was working full time, the interviews had to be late at night, 8:39pm, and so I was doing all that and hustling. And even though it was hard, and even though I felt tired, it part of it felt good, and I was so used to doing it that way in my 30s, building journey to launch, and then working, because I did it in my 20s, where I worked full time, and, you know, I got my degree and even going to college like I just always remembered that working hard was just part of what you did, and showing up consistently was key, and I do still hold those values. I do think that they are still important. Something I'm really, really proud of with the podcast is that since starting in 2017 I've released an episode every week. Now, granted, I have let myself off the hook a bit, and I do rewind episodes, especially in the summertime, I kind of designated that as I'm not doing any interviews. And quite frankly, you might get a couple of rewinds moving forward, because I have so many great interviews that you may not have heard or you may have forgotten that are still relevant to kind of bring back into the forefront. But I was so proud that I never missed a day, and I think I only started doing rewind episodes a couple summers ago, and so for five years straight, I released a new episode every week I prepared. Even after I have I gave birth to my daughter, I had episodes ready to go that week and the week after. And I feel good being able to say that. And so that lingers still with me when I think about what I'm doing here with this work and the podcast, because I'm like, I don't like not showing up, and no matter how much maybe the audience grows or doesn't grow, I'm just like, maybe there is someone looking forward to listening to the journey to launch podcast, and I don't want to let them down. I. But that's been my identity for so long. Like, I like to show up. I remember one when I was working full time, I showed up on my birthday and I was sick, and I still went to work, and I had to leave work early because I was like, so sick, and I was so mad at myself driving home because I was like, Why did you go to work? It's your birthday,

Jamila Souffrant 10:21

like you could have taken off. And again, this is something that was modeled to me by, you know, well well meaning, my well meaning mom and grandmom, like they showed up when they had to do something and work. And I always was at school and never really missed a day, even if I felt sick that I thought to myself, well, look at that like my I'm kind of pushing my kids in the same direction. Now I will say that I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to hustle. I don't I do think that the reason why I am where I am, where I can relax and have flexibility, is because I did hustle so much. And maybe hustle is not the right word, but I put that work in. I laid the foundation. And I do think in the journey that you're on where, no matter where you are, but especially when you are in the beginning, I talk about this in the podcast, in my book, Your journey to financial freedom, that especially if you're in the beginning stages the journey, or stages being explorer, where you're trying to get on stable ground, and then Cadet trying to pay off your debt, that you may have to work a little harder than if you are in the tail end of your journey, such as the commander stage, which is having work flexibility where I am, or even complete financial independence. The captain stage, I do believe there's work to be had and done. There's delayed gratification and some sweat that you have to put into it. It's akin to me when I think about my kids and them now in their sports career and journey and playing basketball, and it's not that I want them to to hustle to where they are going to hurt themselves, but to know that without putting in that work and those hours in the gym, they're not going to reach where they want to go, and they have to find the joy in that. And so even when I was working hard, even working on journey to launch, and working full time, and I was tired, I felt good because I felt like I was accomplishing something, I was building something. I knew I was laying the groundwork for the freedom that I have today, and I want to honor that. I don't want to throw that away. But in the same regard, it's something now that is confusing as I'm in this new stage of my journey and in my life, and I've been here like a couple years now, but as I am slowly thinking about journey to launch and what I want to do and how much what I want to change and or continue. I have to realize that you don't What Got You Here Won't Get You There. And because I prided myself on working and showing up and doing so much, I think that for the past couple years, or the past year or so, I've been feeling like, Wait, what am I doing? You know, it's hard to let go of the thought or the identity of being a hard worker and getting the benefits from it when you're not working as hard. And I mean, I am reaping, still, a lot of benefits, but things are also also slow, and so being able to feel comfortable in that is not easy. I am still working through that because I'm like, this is the perfect opportunity to cash in your financial freedom check. This is what you work for. Go, you know, you can go pick him up. You It's not that you had something really pressing that is due. And by the way, you are your own boss. That is the other thing. I am my own boss. No one who says that this podcast has to come out every week, who says that I need to do things the way I've done them. And so thinking differently and realizing that I have the power and I make the rules is important. And so that was a thought that came up, and a layer that I am kind of peeled back today. And because of what happened, I was able to put words to and I thought, wow, like, I hope maybe someone else is feeling this. Maybe you are in grind mode. Maybe you feel like, you know what I need to be in grind mode to get out of debt or to get to a more stable place, and you know you're working hard for that, or maybe you're like me, and you've worked hard you built all the things, or built some things, and there's a comfort level there that you now need to either rest or or enjoy, and you're having a hard time doing that without feeling guilty. So is that you I know that in certain cultures where hard work and having people who expect a lot from you and saying, hey, you know, like, I quit my job, or actually don't want to be a doctor, or, you know what? I know, I can do this with my business, but I just don't want to is foreign to other people. Like, wait, what do you mean? You don't want to push and go harder and be. Bigger and make millions. But just for me, the reflection there was the hustle that built you can also trap you. And if you're not able to recognize when you need to hustle or work versus when you need to rest, you really won't be able to enjoy what you built.

Jamila Souffrant 15:19

Hey, journeyers, if you are loving this podcast, then you will love my book, Your journey to financial freedom, a step by step guide to achieving wealth and happiness. I wrote this book for you. This book is for you if you want a clear and enjoyable path to having more money options and a rich life, this book is for you if you hate your commute and the fact that you need to seek approval or permission from a boss. I hated that when I worked this book is for you. If you weren't born into wealth, you didn't marry rich or win the lottery, but you still want freedom. This book is for you. If you're at a crossroads, a major decision or event is imminent, maybe a career change, marriage, starting a family, pressures are reaching a tipping point, and the discomfort and the desire for more can no longer be ignored, and this book is for you. If you find yourself zoned out at meetings, looking out the window or daydreaming about the life you truly want, so go pick up your journey to financial freedom.com. So I can show you how to map out how to get from where you are today to where you ultimately want to be. And enjoy the journey. While you're on the path, head over to your journey to financial freedom.com. To see where you can pick the book up. It's available on Amazon, bookshop.org, Barnes and Noble, your local bookstore everywhere, go to your journey to financial freedom.com, to get the book. Now, the other thing that came up for me is this is something that no one is going to be able to tell you about financial freedom, just like I say no one's going to be able to tell you about parenting until you are a parent. Of course, you can read the parenting books, get all the advice, but until you are dealing with kids of your own or on your own and dealing with the personalities, there's no way that you can express what it is that you're dealing with. It's going to be a unique situation. And I feel the same thing about financial freedom. You know, we talk a lot on the show about reaching financial independence, that beautiful point in which you don't have to work for money ever again. The number, right, the timeline, the strategies, you know, the fire Calc, a tool that I created where you can map out, okay, if I invest or save X amount over these amount of years. Can I take a break? You know, it's a lot of numbers, but once you are hitting your milestones, once you are doing what you said you would do on the roadmap, the feelings and trusting the process and the mindset behind it, you can't envision what will come up for you, right like so before, I'm talking about the hustle culture, and now feeling like stepping back or leaning into this is hard for me, but years ago, I wouldn't have really thought that that would be an issue. So there are some things that are going to come up for you while you are on the journey. And yes, talking about it is helpful, talking to other people, being open to your feelings, but you don't know what it's really going to be like emotionally and mentally until you're on the journey. If you think, Okay, I'm going to quit my job, maybe you're also building a business and now you're an entrepreneur, or you switch jobs and you thought, oh, this will make things better. Again, I can guarantee maybe in in some aspects, things will be better, but whatever

Jamila Souffrant 18:56

emotional and mental things that work were covered up because of your situation or you could ignore will come back up, or things you'd even know would be an issue will appear, because that's life, and so living it, feeling it, being it, and even knowing your journey is going to be specific to you. And while I try to guide as much as I can with what I know and give frameworks and hopefully inspiration. It's really doesn't erase, like all all that work and all the maybe inspiration or outside help that you will get won't take over the internal work that needs to be done, or the conditioning that we've all done to get to where we are, right, and so you carry that with you, and it's not something that comes up on the spreadsheet or that you can put a number to all the time, right? The other thing I just want to mention, and I referenced it before, was. Uh, this reflection and parenting mirror that I have with my kids in their journeys of life, and I do feel like as a mom, you know, my identity is part of a big part of who I am. Is Mom, mom to three kids. A lot of my time and energy is spent on them, and I don't regret that I lean into it. I actually enjoy when I am thinking of and doing things for and with them. It like excites me as I find out something like they enjoy and like go deeper into it with them to help them find more resources for it, even supporting their their sports journey, like I love it all, like I'm not the parent that complains about too much, practices games and running around like I get excited. I get excited to help them realize their dreams and to help support them. But with that, like your kids show you, they bring up everything for you, and they show you who you are. They reflect in you based like, what they say, what they do, like, wow, I sound like that. Is that why they they're talking like that, and we model for them. They are watching us. And so, yes, I want my kids to be resilient. I see self care like has been big over the last few years, I think for a lot of us, millennials, especially because we grew up in a hustle culture, especially with first gen or our parents being immigrants, like that's what we were taught, and we had to hustle for everything we had, and our parents for all speak for myself and a lot of my friends, they didn't have The luxury to do the things I'm doing with my kids, like picking them up from school when they're sick they had to work, or taking them to three 4pm practices, or doing all these things. And I do think now, as parents with us, having more resources. And this is a general statement, I know not everyone is in this situation, but for me, having more resources, having more time, it's easy to want to give them more and I want my kids to be resilient. And I believe the reason why I'm so resilient is because I had to get it out the mud for the most part. Now, my mom was a big support, and was very, very much present in my life, but I'm talking more about I just didn't get everything I wanted. I understood the value of hard work, and I had my first job at 14, and so all those things built me up, right? And so I'm thinking about my kids and how easier they have it. And so hearing Lao like, there's this thing now, like, Oh, your kids may want to stay home from school if they're sick. Well, obviously, if they're sick and they're going to be contagious, keep them home. But I'm talking about, oh, I just don't feel like going or I have a little headache. You know, I'm of the mindset that you're going to school, like, unless you have a fever, you're throwing up or you're really sick. If you tell me you just don't feel

Jamila Souffrant 23:00

like it, or you just are not in the mood. To me, that's not a good enough reason. I want you to show up even when sometimes you feel like you don't want to same thing with going to practice. You don't always feel like going to practice, but it is necessary. You say you want to play at a competitive level, you want to be dominant, then you can't opt out of practice just because you don't feel like it. And that's how I feel about just education, and not necessarily, because I think everything they're being taught in school is correct. Like, I also, because I was this way growing up, the rules and the system, and I forgot which one of my kids said this. But like, they feel like school is just just it's almost like jail, because they just tell you what to do, and you only get to go outside when they tell you. And I'm like, you know, I agree, but I also know that we operate in a system in which you have to play the game in order to win the game. And I'm not saying you can't create your own rules on the side and do different things, but first you have to understand the current rules. That's my belief, not saying that you have to follow them to a T. I think the people who actually make it and do amazing in this world break the rules, but first you have to learn how to operate in them in order to know which ones you can break and how to break them. So I don't believe in like, just staying home for the sake of it, like I push my kids, but then also, in times like this, where my son, I knew that he wasn't feeling 100% I'm like, You know what? Let me go get him, and you know if he depending on how he feels in the morning, we'll see if he's going to school. He does have a test I want him to take before spring break is upon us. But otherwise, I also want to model for them like I don't want them to be when there are now in their 40s and 50s and 60s working themselves ragged. I don't want them really doing that in their 20s and 30s. I don't want them to work without a sense of purpose. My work and the things that I've done, I felt good about it at the time, even though it was hard. Hard because I knew what I was working towards, and I felt a sense of accomplishment. And it's something I'm trying to teach them. Like, while sometimes the work is hard and you don't feel like doing it, I want you to feel proud of yourself and know why you're doing it. And again, these like kids, will really show you where you're lacking, where you can adjust when it's just not something, it's an outdated thought. Now, Will I change my mind about my ideas on resilience and making them like, kind of do things when they don't want to? Yes, I don't. I don't force my kids like, I'm not Tiger Mom style in a lot like I actually, I think they live a very great life. I switch roles with them anytime. But it's just so interesting how we want our kids to be resilient, but we don't want to push them to where they have mental breakdowns or they they don't feel equipped in the world. And so it's something as a parent I am thinking through and parenting through, and I don't have it all figured out. My kids are still pretty young, 11, nine and seven. They're helping me figure it out, but it's just something that came up for me as I was going through this today. So all that to say, this is your solo episode. Something that really happened to me today made me really think about where I am on the journey trying to enjoy it more without the guilt and stepping more into what is needed right now in my life, so that if I am working, it is for a reason, not just for the sake of it, leaning into this is the work. It's never ending, no matter what level, no matter where you get, even if, I believe, even if you reach complete financial independence, I mean, that's even, I think, a lot of mental and emotional work to be done, because no longer than can you say The problems are because of money or because of income or expenses, if you have that figured out for yourself. And so I'm learning still with you after all these years, I don't think I'll ever stop, and I'm happy to be able to share that with you. I'm happy to be able to get a podcast episode out for you now, next couple weeks, again, I got to remind myself, Jamila, you don't have to do these things. It's obviously nice to do it. I really am excited. I have some great interviews planned and scheduled over the next few weeks after spring break, so I'm excited about that. There's more content for you guys, hopefully more inspirational episodes, but for the next couple episodes, we'll see might be some rewinds. But trust me, I handpicked the rewind episodes because I think they are conversations that you should hear again or things that you might not have heard. So with that, if you enjoyed this episode, thank you for sticking around. You can follow me at journey to launch at Jamila Souffrant on Instagram. That's where I hang out most. I mean, I'm not as social anymore, so send me a message. I do try to see and respond to messages screenshot,

Jamila Souffrant 27:56

share it on your stories and tag me at journey to launch so that I can see it and share it with other people, and then, of course, share this episode with a family member or friend. I am. I'm working through slowly some of the things that I am going to be doing or not doing for journey to launch. So please stay tuned. Make sure you're on my newsletter. They usually hear it first journey to launch, comm slash join if you want to join the newsletter to get weekly updates, and until then, keep on journeying. Journeyers, don't forget, you can get the episode show notes for this episode by going to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you're listening to this. And you can still grab your jumpstart guide for free to help you on your journey to financial freedom by going to journey to launch.com/jumpstart

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if you want to support me and the podcast and love the free content and information that you get here, here are four ways that you can support me in the show. One, make sure you're subscribed to the podcast wherever you listen, whether that's Apple podcast, that purple app on your phone, your Android device, YouTube, Spotify, wherever it is that you happen to listen, just subscribe so you are not missing an episode. And if you're happening to listen to this in Apple podcasts, rate review and subscribe there. I appreciate and read every single review. Number two, follow me on my social media accounts. I'm at journey to launch on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. And I love, love, love interacting with journeyers. There three, support and check out the sponsors of this show. If you hear something that interests you. Sponsors are the main ways we keep the podcast lights on here. So show them some love for supporting your girl. Four, and last but not least, share this episode, this podcast, with a friend or family member or co worker so that we can spread the message of Journey to launch. All right, that's it until next week. Keep on journeying. Journeyers. You.