Episode 456: How to Manage Holiday Money Anxiety

Jamila Souffrant 0:00

In talking to your family members and friends, setting boundaries, being upfront for the people who care about you, they should understand and be okay with it. Ultimately, you have to protect your finances around this time of year. Else you'll be the one dealing with the hangover when it comes to New Year's and trying to pay back the debt you're getting into 10 seconds.

Intro 0:29

Welcome to the journey. To launch podcast with your host Jamila Souffrant as a money expert who walks her talk, she helps brave journeyers like you get out of debt, save, invest and build real wealth. Join her on the journey to launch to financial freedom in 54321,

Jamila Souffrant 0:56

if you want the episode show notes for this episode, go to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you're listening to this episode in the show notes, you'll get the transcribed version of the conversation, the links that we mentioned and so much more. Also, whether you are an OG journeyer or brand new to the podcast, I've created a free jumpstart guide to help you on your financial freedom journey. It includes the top episodes to listen to, stages to go through to reach financial freedom, resources and so much more you can go to journey to launch.com/jumpstart to get your guide right now. Okay, let's hop into the episode. Hey, hey, hey, journeyers, welcome to the journey to launch podcast. I'm your host, Jamila Souffrant, and I'm so glad you're spending time with me, listening in hope you're doing well. I am going to be talking about something relevant to this time of year if you're listening to this in real time, and that is all about managing holiday money anxiety and how to just navigate all the feelings and all the demands are in our pockets and wallets as we are entering and fully into actually The Christmas season, if you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah, or any holiday where you are expected to spend money to celebrate, whether that is gifts, food, hanging out, all the things. And I want to talk a little bit about what this time of year can bring up for us, while it is a great for most of us, hopefully most of us, some of us, a great time to connect with family and nostalgia, with thinking about maybe our own childhoods and how our holiday seasons went. It can feel really good, but also really not good depending on family things and whatever past traumas you may have, and it can bring up a lot of your emotions, good or bad. There's a lot of pressure, expectations. You can maybe even feel spread thin. I know I do. I am now overwhelmed, actually, with all the things that I need to pick up and buy as gifts, whether it is for my immediate family, so my own kids and then my husband, even though we don't, you know before, when we were earlier into our relationships, things were more of a surprise. Now it's kind of like, here's what I want, so it's not as nerve wracking, but just shopping in general. And then there's extended family, which I pulled back a bit from, especially the adults in my life, you know, even my mom and sister. Sometimes I'm just like, let's just keep it simple or not give each other gifts. But then I'm like, Oh, it does feel nice to give a gift, right? And then we have also other children in our family. I have a lot of nieces and nephews who are local. So I have nieces and nephews all over the world, well, Canada and Jamaica and other parts of the States, United States, but even my local nephews and nieces thinking about getting them things. So when I'm thinking about all the things I need to pick up and then thinking, Oh, I hope they like this. And is it too much or not enough? I go through the same thing. So I wanted to let you know I'm here with you, but what I want to do with this episode is just one make you feel seen and tell you that it's okay if you're navigating those feelings, and talk about how to do better for ourselves, for our wallets and to understand how we can get through this season without going into debt, without emotionally and financially bankrupting our selves. Okay, so first we are going to talk about how we can do that. How can we get to the idea? That we can gift guilt free. What does that look like? Also thinking about setting family and personal boundaries with the people in our lives that are maybe expecting gifts or maybe they're not even expecting that much is all in your head how much you think you should do, and I want to talk about next is overspending triggers and how to either avoid them or circumvent them before they come up. And we are going to also reframe the season. Let's think about how we can think about this differently, and so on and so on. So let's get started now guilt free gifting. How can we use this as a strategy or change the guilt we feel, whether it is thinking it's not enough to any judgment of others. I want you to focus on intention, not the price tag. So for example, giving based on experiences and small meaningful items, even DIY gifts, if you have a skill or something, you can build or create. Can that be a gift? Think about what really would matter to the person you're giving it to, because sometimes they're not even expecting you to spend a lot. It's more about the intention behind the gift. So what is it that you can do or create, and maybe it's spending time. Maybe it is a simple I want to spend time with you this holiday season. Let's carve out some time to do that, quality time. The other thing thinking about not feeling guilty about spending could be secret Santas or rotating gifts for large families, especially if you have a family with a lot of kids or teenagers, I feel like the bar for what the kids want nowadays seem to just getting higher and higher for the price tag, versus maybe I feel like when I back in my day, when I felt like things were cheaper, but maybe that that's just my memory is all a little warped because I'm older now. But how can you think about rotating gifts or doing Secret Santa for your family instead of buying every single person a gift? And then the other thing is simplifying kids gifts to avoid overwhelm. I can tell you how many times I or maybe someone else, has bought something for my kids, and in a week, they're not thinking about it, they're not looking at it. It's really they just want that initial reaction or high of opening a gift, but they don't really care as much about it. So how can we simplify our gifts that we are giving to the kids and setting their expectations? How do we do that? And I think you do that by talking to them in advance, showing them and teaching them the abundance that they already have if they are blessed enough to have a roof over their head and a family that love them and how there are so many other kids in the world who don't have that, and it's not to make them feel guilty for having what they have, but I just think nowadays, it's so hard for kids unless you really expose them in a way, or have them or say no, not just for the sake of saying no. I know that while I could probably do a lot more for my kids in terms of material items, we try to hold back. Because I it's not that we can't afford it or we don't want to always buy it. Sometimes it's like, you know what? That actually wouldn't be bad, but no, that would be too much at the moment, because it just doesn't fit into the

Jamila Souffrant 8:40

person that I want them to be thinking about, that they are and moving in this world that, oh, if I just want this, I can get it, and they're not valuing things. So I think continuing to talk to your kids about that, taking them more on trips locally to help others in need. You know, for me, being Jamaican and having the hurricane Melissa devastate the island, I've been talking to my kids a lot about what is happening on the island, and actually, by the time this probably comes out, I actually will be back for my trip to Jamaica. So I am bringing items there, and, you know, doing other things, and sharing that with them, just giving them a perspective of what is actually happening in the real world, outside of their comfy home. So how can you do that with kids? Because I just know that as a parent, kids are a big, big line item when it comes to our money and how much we spend on them, and a lot of feelings can come up, maybe depending on how you were raised, maybe you didn't get a lot of things, and so you want to give them a lot, or vice versa, that can come up with how much we're doing for them, but sit with that and be honest with yourself about maybe why you want to buy so many things, and if it is, I. Harmful or helpful to the little human you are raising so guilt free gifting. That was the first thing I just discussed. How can you do that without feeling guilty? Think about experiences and meaningful items, DIY gifts. Think about doing secret Santas or rotating gifts for large families and simplify your kids gifts to avoid the overwhelm and the consumption and wastefulness that happens. Another strategy you can use is setting family and personal boundaries, because the expectations that others have on us, or we put on ourselves that we think people have on us will really spin us and have us creating conversations in our head that are actually not happening. So how can you be firm but loving to family members and tell them upfront what it is and what your mindset is about the holidays and how much you want to spend? You can say things like, we're keeping it simple this year, we'd rather spend time than money, so maybe it is more about getting together as a family and doing something. You can also say, I can participate if you're being requested to do something, but within a certain budget, we have goals that we're working on. Or if you want to be honest, I always think it's a great thing to be honest, because most of the time people in your life are going through the same thing, and they're not admitting it. But if you say, hey, you know what, we really have this goal, or things are kind of tight this year, so let's set a budget of this, or this is what I can do. And I just want to let you know up front, talking to your family members and friends, setting boundaries, being upfront for the people who care about you, they should understand and be okay with it. If you have people who care about you, they might not respond positively. Maybe they might say, Oh, there she goes again. Maybe they might consider you selfish, but ultimately, you have to protect your finances around this time of year. Else you'll be the one dealing with the hangover when it comes to New Year's and trying to pay back the debt you're getting into. The other thing really important here, so let's just say, all right, you've thought about your list and you've thought about things that could be more meaningful, maybe you cut back with some certain things. Now it is about spending. So you know, you now you need to spend because you have things you need to buy for people really important to try to avoid overspending. Triggers that might come up so that could also look like, what are the triggers that come up, especially not just the holidays, but this is just in general. Do you spend when you're bored, when you're stressed, because of nostalgia, scarcity, sales, you know, things that, oh, this is the last day, or only a few items left last minute shopping? So what are the triggers that kind of have you spiral or spend more or feel out of control? Can you identify that? Can you look back at that and start being proactive and doing things now so that you can circumvent and stop those things? So really important to make a list and budget for that list. So maybe you're budgeting per person or per household. If you're gifting maybe a family or separate household, you also want to pause before buying. So think about the purchase that you are making. Does it fit into the budget? Is it something that you are just feeling inclined to buy? Give it some time, come back to it. Make a note in your phone, maybe your app, your calendar app, come back to this. You know, there's something that I'm thinking about getting for myself or someone else, but I want to come back to it. The other thing you can do if you are finding that you're having a problem spending is deleting save cards from online retailers that can make things so easy to one click Buy, especially if there's somewhere you often go. And now you know that this is the time of year that you spend more perhaps to just create more friction, friction, meaning more steps where you have to get up and maybe look for your card and the number on the back can stop you from making any impulse buys and then stopping the scrolling endlessly, because that's another thing with social media, they're like. This is the time of year everyone is promoting or showing something, and you can easily get lost in the mix. Another strategy can be to reframe the season so refocus from just stuff to the presence of the people in your life, the gifts that are the people that we care about. How can we focus on them and the things they actually really want? Sometimes the most meaningful gifts are not what cost a lot. It's like the one you listening to, whether it's a partner or even your child or. Family member or friend, and they mentioned something, and it's so small, but they would care about it, because you remember that they said it was important to them. So what can you think about where you're focusing more on the person and their presence versus the stuff, and encourage small get togethers or rituals? Maybe it's calling people. And, you know, I saw a tick tock that says, instead of sending someone a gift, I'm just gonna FaceTime them. And they were just doing a dance right now, I'm not saying to do that right where you're calling people and saying, Hey, I'm just this is my gift to you, my voice. But how can you create different rituals around the holiday, outside of shopping that make you feel good. And you can always think about making it these traditions special to whether it's your family or yourself. So it resets you. It resets you outside of just the Go, go, go, spend, spend, spend. Now the other thing you can start thinking about, or at least put on your to do the next year right once you get through this current holiday season, is to think about, if you're in the midst of it already, how you will do things differently next year. Because as soon as this holiday season is over. I know most people just want to forget and say, Ah, that's done. Let's move on. But it is the perfect time at the start of the year to start to think about and save in advance for this time of year again. I always like to encourage people to look back, so once you're over this period, look back at what you actually spent. Now, hopefully you had a budget when you were spending money, but now it's time to look back and see where did How much did I actually spend? I said I want to spend maybe $1,000 for all gifts. Did I what was the number? And be honest with yourself, because then you can look forward and say, well, maybe I can put away $100 a month into a sinking fund, or a savings account, or high yield account, that by the time next Christmas comes up, I have $1,000 or X amount saved, whatever that amount was. Ultimately, I want to reassure you that these feelings that you're feeling are okay.

Jamila Souffrant 17:24

This is a time where you will be pulled in a lot of directions when it comes to your wallet and your money, and it will be a time in which you can really get derailed from your goals. So if you do, or it's already happening, because in real time, this is about to be mid December. Maybe you'll listen to this in June, right? It's okay. One of the things that happens when we are dealing with money and mistakes is once we realize our mistakes or avoid our mistakes, we create this shame around it and maybe bury our head and don't want to think about it, don't want to look and think it's just me. Why do I do this? It's not just you. It really isn't. And so think more about giving yourself grace and putting systems in place for yourself, taking some of the advice in the episode to start again and do it again, or stop whatever action is hurting and harming your budget and goals right now and doing it differently. So this season, it doesn't have to be perfect, it's life. It could be expensive and it can be exhausting. There is a lot to do. I am still going through my list. I told myself, all right, let's not wait till last minute this year, so I'm working on it, but know that it's okay to be feeling the feels, if you're feeling and the goal is to show up and to understand that the people in your life want you mostly, and if they don't, you know, start looking at that, that circle or the people around you, but to really Try to enjoy, enjoy the holidays for what it is, and to create the special memories for yourself. Give yourself permission to do things differently, to do things your way. We have free will, you know, we don't have to do things the way they've always been done. All right? I hope this episode has been helpful to you. I hope that you are leaning into this holiday season and giving yourself grace and sticking to what I hope is a budget or at least some spending guidelines, and taking in the season itself for what it is. If you enjoyed this episode, let me know. I'm at journey to launch on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I mostly hang out on Instagram. Share this episode with a family member or friend. Don't you know, don't be greedy. Share, share the wealth and have them on this journey with you. It's always better when there's someone in real life that you could talk to about this, these things and that, that hopefully you can connect with. All right? Until next week. Keep on journeying. Journeyers. Don't forget, you can get the episode show notes for this episode by going to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you're listening to this and you can still grab your jumpstart guide for free to help you on your journey to financial freedom by going to journey to launch.com/jumpstart

Jamila Souffrant 20:25

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