Episode 412: 5 Lessons on Embracing Change, Time, and the Journey to Financial Freedom- Birthday Reflections

Jamila Souffrant 0:00

I definitely want to pull away from this idea that we need to have it all figured out. This is why the journey to financial freedom, when I talk about it, in independence and mapping out what that looks like, is reevaluating your goals and your values and what's important for you in this moment of your life. Because as you grow, as you get older, as your responsibilities change, your priorities will change, what you want will change, and that's okay, too. T minus

10 seconds, welcome to the journey. To launch podcast with your host, Jamila Souffrant as a money expert who walks her talk, she helps brave journeyers like you get out of debt, save, invest and build real wealth. Join her on the journey to launch to financial freedom. 54321,

hey, hey, hey, journeyers, welcome to the journey to launch Podcast is your host, Jamila Souffrant, and this is going to be a solo episode, a really special one, because it's what I like to call my birthday episode. So my birthday is this week. So if you're listening to this in real time, it's February 6. This podcast comes out a day before that. But you can listen to this anytime, because the beauty of podcasts is that it's evergreen. So you may be listening to this maybe years from now, and so I hope what I share in this is going to be timeless and helpful for you. But I typically like to do episodes for my birthday week that are more self reflective and personal to my journey, and I always like to give takeaways to help you with your journey so far. So if you have been enjoying my content for these years, or you just found me and you like what you're hearing and you want to give me a birthday gift, all you have to do is like this podcast, or if you listen to this podcast, journey to launch, maybe it's on Apple podcast, maybe it's on YouTube, maybe it's wherever. Make sure you're following the podcast and you're subscribed. That way you don't miss an episode and then also share it with someone in your life. So that means clicking on the link, sharing it say, Hey, check this episode out, and maybe another episode. There's so many episodes, over 400 at this point, so one of them has to resonate with someone you know or with yourself. So if that's how you want to show some love for my birthday, go ahead and do that. Because quite honestly, it's word of mouth that has allowed this podcast and this platform to grow as much as it has grown over these years. And the only way it's going to continue to grow is through that. And so I just want to thank you in advance for doing that. Also check out my book, Your journey to financial freedom. You can get it anywhere. Books are sold, Amazon. Go to your journey to financial freedom.com. Check out the book if you want even more details. Now, let's get into this birthday episode. If you want the episode show notes for this episode. Go to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you're listening to this episode in the show notes, you'll get the transcribed version of the conversation, the links that we mentioned, and so much more also, whether you are an OG journeyer or brand new to the podcast, I've created a free jump start guide to help you on your financial freedom journey. It includes the top episodes to listen to, stages to go through to reach financial freedom resources and so much more you can go to journey to launch.com/jump start to get your guide right now. Okay, let's hop into the episode.

As I mentioned in this episode, I want to share some reflections that I have been just thinking about and lessons I've been learning, still learning, at my big age, and right now I have five, and so I'm going to go through the five lessons. I'm also going to share takeaways after each reflection and lesson so that you can apply it and think about it in your own life. The first one I want to talk about is time being our most precious resource. Time, time, time. So I don't know about you, but I actually, I don't want to say get sad, but I get a little melancholy, melancholone. I get a little blue that makes sense around my birthday. And I think partly because I'm in New York and it's cold. I have a February birthday. I always like to joke, you know, I was born on an island, you know? I know God knows everything. But did he know that I was going to be moving to New York because I was meant to be on an island in sun for my birthday and just living. So here I am. It's cold, it's dark, it is just shorter sunlight days, and so around my birthday, it just feels like very heavy. But with that, I mean, I've been going through this for most of my life in New York, but I also. So because of time, you know, time is just unrelenting. It passes us by anyway, and there's no better way to really mark that than around your birthday as you get older. So I know, like and most of you will know that unlike money or energy or even relationships, once your time is spent, we cannot get it back. It is unrenewable, which makes it a very precious resource. And with that, it's thinking about, how are we using our time on this earth in this lifetime, wisely? But when I think of it that way. I also feel heavy because it is a heavy task to think about. Am I doing everything I should be doing and time is running out. It can feel like that, but what I want to go to and think about, and what makes me feel better around these times and when I think about how fleeting time is, is that it passes for everyone. If we are blessed enough to wake up and live another day, to see another birthday, to have our family, friends, loved ones, people who care about us, we care about in our lives, then you know how in one instant, anything can change, and we've been going through so much as a world and a nation and just general, like things can happen at the fly. And so I think reflecting on that and maybe letting go of everything that needs to have happened for you or what you're not doing, letting that go and being in the moment with time allows you to appreciate it more and to give yourself Grace if you have not accomplished the things you wanted to accomplish in this time frame that you've set up for yourself so far. But I often ask myself, and I want you to think about this too, what have you done with your time so far? I mean, it's never too late to course correct if you do feel like you could be using your time more wisely, and if you are blessed with more hours, more minutes, quite frankly, more seconds, that's how precious this life is. How do you want to spend them? And it doesn't mean that you're going to do everything correctly or optimize your time all the time. I'm definitely not advocating for that. But what are the ways in which you want to spend this time that you have on earth in this lifetime? Think about the I think it was the lock song. If you had 24 hours to live, where would you go? Who would you see? You know all that. Because really, when we think of our time that way, we can prioritize what's important. And the other thing I think about is, what are you willing to pay for or sacrifice or invest in to create a life that you want to live now with the time you have while living and thinking about this life later on that you have to live so not necessarily. YOLO, you only live once, so you're gonna spend all your money. You're gonna do all the things today, but that balance of how are you going to enjoy and spend your time, and what are you going to invest in, so that the moments of your life right now mean something you're not putting it on layaway, the happiness on layaway for retirement or for when you've gotten everything figured out. So what are you willing to pay for and sacrifice and or invest in to create the life you want? Now, while thinking about your future, my takeaway for you, for this point that time is our most precious resource is don't wait to arrive at a certain milestone before you allow yourself to enjoy this life that you're living now. Decide what's worth your time and money right now, and that could mean investing in experiences, education, relationships. Maybe it's giving yourself more rest. Maybe it is rest to understand what you want to do and how you want to move forward with the people in your life, with maybe your career choices, your financial choices, but be more intentional with it. And I'm talking to myself right now. You know, time goes for everyone, so be patient. Be calm, be centered in the moments that you have while you have it. Number two, so again, these are birthday reflections, things that I've been thinking about as I enter a new lap around the sun. So the second one is practicing the art of detachment, and how important detachment is in experiences and outcomes. Now it doesn't mean that you don't care about anything or people, but detaching meaning you are okay with outcomes you cannot control. And most outcomes, I mean, we can solve for or we can control the certain variables, maybe our actions, our responses. We can control some of that. We cannot control how people respond to us, what people do, and a lot of this life is it's it's a partnership, it's collaboration with other people. It's rarely going to be things you can only do by yourself when it comes to the goals you have or the life you want to live. Now, some people, you know it is just them, and you know they're going to do that and live the life their best way, no matter what. But for many of us, because we are attached, and we have so many people in our lives that we care about, it's a fabric. It is a connectedness that we have with other people. And so for me, detachment, or learning how to be detached from outcomes is very evident as I am a parent. I mean, I think this will be evident just as anyone who has people in their life that they care about. But as a parent, you definitely see this, because you realize that no matter how much you can put in or invest in or talk to and do all the things for your children, they are going to do what they want to do anyway. Now, of course, you hope that over time and certain things are sticking with them and help to develop them in a certain way, and at least point them in the right direction, or what you think the right direction is, but ultimately, these kids are going to do what they want to do. They have their own personalities, their own lives to live, and so as someone now who is a mom of three with three different personalities, running around this household, being a wife, so with a husband that has had his own life, his own mind, having friends, all these things where I feel like, okay, I want this for them. You know, if I can give them the world, this is what I'd want to give them, but that might not be the path for them. That might not be what is the most, happiest or fulfilling route that they need to take. So it's not the route that I think they should take. It's the route they need to take. And just seeing that every day in my household, whether from the smallest things to the bigger things that I'm thinking about, whether it's like middle schools and about their future, I have to practice detaching from the outcome of what I want to happen. And so the way that I've been doing that is knowing I want the best for whether, whether it's myself, for my kids, other people, and doing what I can do. So controlling my variable me as a variable, but understanding that I can't control them. So can I be okay with any outcome? Now, of course, there's some outcomes I would not be okay with, with my kids, like if they, you know, maybe chose certain paths, but thinking about, how can I detach myself and my happiness from what someone else is going to decide? Or how can I make peace with decisions that I cannot control from other people? And this is going to go whether it's your career, relationship, you know, as an entrepreneur, all these things that we are working hard to maybe figure out and then understanding that because other people also help decide how those things happen, realize that we cannot just focus our energy on one outcome. We have to be okay with a different outcome. So can you be okay with any outcome? Can you think through when you're thinking about your life, your finances, your career, maybe even with people in your life? Can you be okay your happiness not be dependent on what they do or decide. Can you do the work? Can you still show up for the people in your life, for your job, for whatever it is that you're working on or for or with, and do what you need to do, but be okay and detached from the result? Because you know you cannot control the result. I think that mindset shift is so important. As I get older, as I start to kind of settle in to and I don't even want to say my life, I feel like my life is always evolving. But then you realize, like, how your own path, how no one can tell you or control what you do in your own path, and the same thing goes for others. So how can you approach this mindset shift as I am in life, of detaching from outcomes you cannot control, but still putting in your best effort and work no matter what the next reflection or thing I want to talk about is changing your perspective and making peace with where you are. So there are moments and frustrations that creep in, whether it's for me, for work relationships or just personal growth, whether it's me as an entrepreneur, feeling like, okay, there are things about being an entrepreneur that are not all positive. You know, being an entrepreneur is not for everyone. And then when I think about when I was working full time, how there were points, and a lot of points at that when I was working that I did not enjoy, you know, having to go to a cubicle, the long commute, having to be somewhere I didn't want to be. And thinking about that, the perspective now that I have, as an entrepreneur, there's. Still moments where I'm unhappy with some of the things that I have to do, and the way that I reason or get out of that in those moments, is thinking about, if you were not doing this, the alternative doesn't necessarily mean better. There's always going to be something that you don't like about something, and you could think, Okay, once I, you know, have a million dollars and I don't have to work anymore, things would be great, and then you'll get that. And people who have that now do not feel that way they are thinking about or wishing for a circumstance when they didn't have it all. And so I think it's about reframing and thinking about the perspective and making peace with where you are. Because no matter what level you get to or what you accomplish and the things you obtain in your life, there's going to be something associated with that, and not necessarily in a negative way. Because I do believe you need friction to live this life, to make it worthwhile, because if everything is just handed to us, and actually that's another reflection later on that I want to talk about, then you become complacent, where is the striving in a good way to achieving something for yourself, or maybe for your community, for your family, without some friction? So think about the alternative, if you are currently in a position, whether it is working, maybe it's a commute job, maybe it's money, family, and thinking about, Oh, like this is the worst, which may be, you know, it can be, there is always actually people and worse situations for you to be in. And I think about that now, when I think about things, sometimes I don't want to do as an entrepreneur or, like, I gotta do that thing. I'm like, but would you rather have to drive two hours one way to work? And it doesn't mean that that would have been my situation all the time, but I just like to think of, Wow, you are blessed no matter whatever feelings you're having about a situation right now, look at the freedom that you have. And so you may not have everything you want currently, but you have what you wanted and what you value a lot right now, which is freedom and autonomy and control of your time. So changing my perspective in those moments and making peace with it is very important. So I want you to think about when you feel frustrated and over something, can you zoom out and look at the bigger picture about what is working for you? Because something has to be working. You're breathing, you're listening to this podcast. Something is working. And so if you had to trade your current situation for the alternative, would you really be happy if you're really honest with yourself, or would you find something else to not be happy about? You're not bad. I'm not bad. Like this is the human experience. So instead of just focusing on the things you dislike about your situations, just remind yourself of why you chose the path you're on in the first place. And of course, you can change your mind. You can course correct, but think about the benefits and changing your perspective no matter where you are. So the first one was, time is our most precious resource. Second is practicing the art of detachment. Three was changing your perspective and making peace with where you are. Okay? So four, the journey is the destination, if you haven't figured it out, with the name of my podcast, the name of my book. So your journey to launch the podcast, your journey to financial freedom, is the book. I'm all about the journey, and I almost have to remind myself, even while I preach and talk about how important the journey is that I have to remind myself, while I'm on my own journey, that the journey is the destination. And I want to just talk about the sailboat ride that I took when I was in St Lucia. So my husband and I, we went to St Lucia for our 10 year anniversary, and we had the most amazing time. But one of the things that we did was we took a sailboat and we left where we were staying, and we took a sailboat to go to this other beach, and the boat that we're on, it had sails, hence the sailboat, and then it also had an engine, so the captain could turn the engine on to get to where we want to go. But we were going to this next beach, and he turned off the engine, I believe, and he was like, well, we're going to now use the wind to go into this beach. And the captain cut the engine, and so the sails were then filled with wind, and we slowed down. So it slowed down significantly, and the boat didn't take a straight path. So with the engine, the boat could have taken a straight path, we would have got there maybe in five minutes, but because he cut the engine, and now we were relying on the wind and the sails and nature to get us there, I think it ended up taking like 3040, minutes, if I can remember. And we also didn't go in a straight line. We had to kind of go in this almost a sea, and I'm sure there is a like. A nautical term for this, but we went around a bit to get to where we were going. I've thought about this since then and that, you know, it could have just been a quick let's get to the beach, right? Let's just do that. But the point was the journey to getting to the beach, that was the whole point. Like we took longer to get there, but we had more to experience. The anticipation to getting to the beach was even higher, the appreciation for everything working to get us there naturally was also something that I reflected on, and I think that is so so similar to the journeys that we are on and how things can take longer than we'd like or than expected, and how yes, if we had the magic answer, and if someone could give us the things we wanted, everything we wanted, the car, the house, the money, and we I think we think we'd want that, and maybe we might enjoy it for A bit. I know I would, but I do believe that getting there and all the lessons learned and the person you become, the things you'll have to do to be able to do that right, like the growth you have to take and become and grow into, as you get there, is part of you, then being able to fully experience the experience when you're there. That is just spot on for me. When it comes to the financial journey and the life journey, is that if we got everything we wanted right away, without any friction, without any striving for it, I don't think it feel the same. And so I know a lot of us are at different points. We have different goals and things we want to accomplish in our lives, and we don't feel like we're getting there fast enough. We just want to get straight there. But there, there's a reason that it may be taking you longer. There are things that you can pick up along the way. There are, I remember being on the sailboat and seeing you know the birds and just like these little experiences that we would not have gotten to feel and see and smell and hear, if not for it taking longer. So think about that with your journey now, and how you can come to peace with how long it takes you to get somewhere. And so my takeaway for this is, instead of rushing to your next goal, can you embrace the roundabout path you've been on? What if you stop thinking, Okay, I could be further along. I could be there quicker, and stop thinking necessarily about optimizing and getting there quickly, but feeling like the scenic route has value now. It doesn't mean that you can't accomplish some goals quickly and be proud of that, like, let's go, you know. But if it is taking you longer, if the things you want in life are taking a bit longer, if you're on the scenic route, and what can you pick up, see, take with you, to help you really enjoy this journey that you're on? Okay, my last thing, I would say, for me, is just the evolution and figuring it out at any age. So I am in my 40s now. Can't believe it, and I still don't have it figured out. You know, I have ideas. I am content in what I'm doing currently, but I know that there is a lot of other things that I could be doing and a lot of things I may want to explore in the future, but I by no means have it all figured out, and that comes with everything, that comes with relationships with my kids, that comes with being entrepreneur, even with my health, and, you know, figuring out the things I like doing and what's what I'm doing now may not be something I want to do in three, five years, 10 years down the road, and I feel like A lot of my friends were the same age, and I've been talking to some of them, and I'm noticing, I don't know if it's a like, 40 year old thing or in your 40s thing, but like, especially when it comes to career and trying to figure out how you want to make money and what you're doing, that there have been a few of my friends that are just trying to contemplate and don't know what to do next. Maybe they feel like they're in they're stuck in a place, or they want to make a pivot or change. They don't know what that is. And I just know that this feeling, I remember feeling it in my 20s, even in my 30s, and there were some points, some flashes in my life, where I just knew for sure. And I mean that felt great when you know for sure, when when you know that like the next step you're taking is like it, that's a great feeling. Because I do believe that you're more motivated. You kind of you have the energy, this inward pull that affects the outward energy and actions you take. But I do know that for some of us. For a lot of us, there is these moments in our lives where we do not know, and with that, the possibilities are endless when we do not know. And it's actually a great place to be in, because that means that anything is possible. So if you are currently like me, still fine tuning or figuring things out for your. Self, that's okay. And you could be in your 30s, 20s, maybe 50s, 60s, older, older than me, and feeling this way, welcome to The Club. You might think, well, I felt this way, and I thought this way, and this is what I wanted to do, or this is what I studied for, and I spent my career doing this thing. I can't not do it, which is a valid way to feel, but you can change your mind. You're not a tree. You can move and so rethinking your goals, rethinking what you want in life, pausing taking space when the answers are not clear and evident, sometimes you do need to take action for it to be revealed to you, the next step. But I definitely want to pull away from this idea that we need to have it all figured out. This is why the journey to financial freedom, when I talk about it, in independence and mapping out what that looks like, is reevaluating your goals and your values and what's important for you in this moment of your life. Because as you grow, as you get older, as your responsibilities change, your priorities will change. What you want will change, and that's okay, too. And sometimes what we think is that route is not it's another way. It's the scenic route, it's all the things I talked about before. So I want for this takeaway, for the this evolution of yourself and figuring out at any age, is to give yourself permission to change, give yourself grace to not have to have it all figured out, to explore different facets of your life and things about yourself, no matter what age you are. I think it's so important to keep learning, adjusting, embracing the unknown. I know that it's scary, but what does living fully look like? And maybe living fully feels sometimes like we're not doing enough, but it's so important not to get too down on yourself for not having it figured out or not feeling like enough. All right, so that was my birthday episode with some reflections again, let me just quickly go through the I think it was five, one time is our most precious resource. How are you using your time? How are you taking your time? Two, practicing the art of detachment. How can you be okay with any outcome, doing the work, doing and being what you can control yourself, but detaching from the result and detaching from other people control and outcomes. Number three, changing your perspective and making peace with where you are. You know, in those moments of frustration, or you're not doing what you need to, or you don't feel like the situation is working. Can you zoom out and see what is working? How can you use whatever situation and circumstance you're in today for your benefit and your life for the journey is the destination? Sometimes things may be taking slower. The scenic route is not the route you want. You want the fast route to get to where you want to go, but thinking about, instead of rushing to your next goal, how can you embrace this roundabout path that you're on and enjoy the process, not just the finish line, last evolution and figuring out at any age you can change your mind, give yourself permission to change. Give yourself permission to not have it all figured out. That's what I'm doing right now in this season of my life, keep learning and adjusting and embracing the unknown. So I hope you enjoyed this episode again. If you want to give me a birthday shout out or gift, you can just simply share this episode with someone or share the podcast with someone. The podcast name is journey to launch wherever you're listening to this, just click subscribe or follow. You can leave a review, an apple podcast review, that's always helpful if you're listening to this on the purple app on your phone, and you can share this with a family member or friend or someone that you want to have on this journey with you. Also check out my book, Your journey to financial freedom. You can find that at your journey to financial freedom.com or you can go to Amazon, your local bookstore. It's everywhere, pick it up. And then, if you're on social media, follow me at journey to launch at Jamila Souffrant. Tag me if you say hello. I was like interacting with journeyers. And I hope these reflections will help you on your journey, as I have been reflecting on my decades now on this earth. So thank you. Thank you for listening, and until next week, keep on journeying. Journeyers, don't forget, you can get the episode show notes for this episode by going to journey to launch.com or click the description of wherever you're listening to this and you can still grab your jumpstart guide for free to help you on your journey to financial freedom by going to journey to launch.com/jumpstart

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