Jamila Souffrant 0:00
You're listening to the Journey to Launch podcast, How to Decrease Stress and Increase Self Care on Your Financial Freedom Journey.
Welcome to the Journey to Launch podcast with your host Jamila Souffrant, as a money expert who wants her talk, she helps brave Journeyers like you get out of debt, save, invest and build real wealth. Join her on the journey to launch to financial freedom
Jamila Souffrant 0:37
Hey hey hey journeyers Welcome back. Welcome to a brand new episode of the journey to launch podcast if you were not aware already, you are now a journeyer. That means you are on the path with me to financial freedom and independence. So buckle up as we take off. Today in the rocket chair. I have Aisha Moore, who is also a journeyer. I just love when I get to speak to people who actually listen to the podcast and are on the journey with me and then also have something to share an expertise. Aisha Moore is a self care advocate and stress management expert. She helps successful women who are stressed out get serious about self care so that they can outsmart overwhelm, sustain success and revive relationships. After getting serious about her own self care. She was able to get off five anxiety medications and get her job back after being demoted and revive a failing marriage. So we don't get too much into her marriage in this episode and all this juiciness. Now. I'm like wait, I should have asked her more of these questions. But we talked about how she herself went from being overwhelmed, burned out and coming back and how if you are right now experiencing that, to know the signs how to fix it how to really up your self care game while on the journey to financial freedom. So I'm really excited for you to hear this conversation.
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If you want the episode Show Notes for this episode, go to journeytolaunch.com or click the description of wherever you're listening to this episode. in the show notes, you'll get the transcribed version of the conversation, the links that we mentioned and so much more. Also, whether you are in OG journeyer or are brand new to the podcast, I've created a free jumpstart guide to help you on your financial freedom journey. It includes the top episodes so listen to stages to go through to reach financial freedom, resources and so much more. You can go to journeytolaunch.com/jumpstart to get your guide right now. Okay, let's hop into the episode.
Hey journeyer. So we are going to be talking about a very special important topic today with my guest, I used to have more. Aisha and I are going to be talking about self care. And yes, the typical form that we hear about self care and I know it's like a buzzword, especially with the pandemic and everything that's been happening, but also how it relates to our finances. I she's going to share a little bit more about her journey. So I just want to welcome Aisha to the rocket seat. Welcome.
Aisha Moore 3:54
Thanks Jamila And I feel like I'm a journey or two. So I feel like I'm I'm the listener and the guest today.
Jamila Souffrant 4:01
I love that I love what I you know, I reached out so we caught we know each other, we went to the myleik retreat together. And that's I think, where I first met you in person at least. And then I started to follow you and I just love when like I have an interest in someone's like work, but then they also like happen to listen to journey for lunch. So it was just like a very fluid relationship because it works both ways. And I'm just like, Oh, your journey or like, I know, you're just like, Listen, I listened to your podcast. I'm like, Really? That's so cool. Because not everyone who comes on does so I just like it when you get it like you're gonna get what we're going to talk about now. So it's cool.
Aisha Moore 4:35
Yeah, it's been exciting to watch the journey, the journey. The podcast has grown and the Plutus Awards and all the things that you've gotten and just the lane that you've carved out for yourself.
Jamila Souffrant 4:47
Thank you and one of the things so you were talking about before you press record about for yourself, you said that you wanted to and we're going to get into the self care topic, but I think this is important because you were listening to other finance podcasts you thought they were like to like Bro. But then also like you'd like the fact or your appreciate that you are discovering, like, there's different ways that you can define what financial freedom means. And I think that's important because everyone's definition is going to be different, which I do think relates back to mental health and self care.
Aisha Moore 5:15
Yeah, for sure. Because, you know, I've, you know, worked so hard to get the right jobs do the right things, and with a sense of like, because there were certain things that I wanted, there was a certain, like, lifestyle that I was looking forward to. So it's learning how to think about now as well as the future and where's the middle ground?
Jamila Souffrant 5:35
Right. Okay, so let's hop into this self care business. So you basically specialize in this, your account, which I love your Instagram account, you do all these cool reels where you're talking about self care and the importance of prioritizing it. And I was like, I need to have you on the podcast to talk about this. Because I find often that on this journey, whether, you know, we're getting specific about like, you know, paying off a debt or saving, or then the ultimate goal of never having to work for anyone else, we prioritize the money. And you know, a lot of the journey is mental and emotional, that we go on with this. And so making sure that we are putting our needs our emotional mental needs physical needs, first, I believe is really important. More important than I would say, dare I say, the money goal. So how would you define what self care looks like on the financial journey?
Aisha Moore 6:23
For sure, for sure, I can definitely jump into that. So I think one of the facets of financial independence is like, how can I make the most money in the quickest amount of time, so I can retire as early as possible. And for a lot of people, that means working two or three jobs, or like, they go for the job that is the most lucrative without thinking about, like, what that job is going to do to them mentally. And so I think we have to balance that. So I found on points on my journey. I was, I did, I've done everything from like, little side hustles, like mystery shopping, I've been an extreme couponer, like all of those little things that again, you know, full time job that pays well enough to pay all my bills and be able to save, but like was craving, like how to get my finances together until just trying so many things. And those things, things take mental and physical bandwidth, right? They just don't like those hours to do those things to do the research don't come out of nowhere. And so we have to be careful with that. Like, our body keeps the score, our body knows that we're overwhelmed. Our body gives us some signals that we often ignore. So one thing is people always like, why is my eye twitching? And I'm like, cuz you're stressed out.
That's one thing that you always say my I was sitting one day, why is that? That's one of those things are we're feeling that exhaustion, but we're so focused on that money goal that will ignore it. And for me, I almost lost my job over being too focus on the money goal, I had to go on short term disability. And then it was like, Okay, I'm not independently wealthy, yet, I have to go back to this job, and how am I going to make this work? And that's really where this all came from in terms of self care, because it was like, so how do I sustain my success, at the same time, as being able to take care of myself. And I think what I do now really, I've been able to strike that balance in that and to reach so many money goals, but while also working less, but still getting raises, working less, but still being star on the team, all of that. And so I figured out like how you make this happen, because so many of us were so dedicated, like at work, they were doing 10 times as many as everyone else. So if we just do six times, we're still gonna be cool, we're still gonna keep that job, we're not gonna get fired. So I'm not trying to I'm not trying to tell you to scale back to the point where you're gonna get fired, but for most of us, we could do a little less and still be stellar.
Jamila Souffrant 8:51
Yeah, okay. All right, so many things to quote unquote on pack here. So one, how does one make that bounce so you brought up a very good point because I relate to this when I first started the journey and I was working my job then I had journey to launch and it was growing like I was doing all the things and I had that stable income but then i was growing journey to launch and so on paper, if I continued doing that I would for sure reach my goals, my money goals, like in a couple years, but physically and emotionally mentally I just could not keep that pace up. And what I find is that for some people, you know, when they find out about this concept, this idea that you know, just aggressively save invest for those that can do that. It is very goal focused and oriented. And then they quickly find out that they're burning out so there's that part of the journey like the physical burnout because you're doing so much is not sustainable. And then to me there's this like mental emotional part of it where it feels so far away your goal, but you feel stuck where you are and there's that like a mental emotional because I had someone reach out like, how do I stay at my job and be happy now like, now that I know there's like this path So I know that's like a two part question. And I you know, but let's talk about how do you even strike that balance like that you talked about how did you strike that balance?
Aisha Moore 10:07
Yeah. So the first part of the story was, I was like, I've been in my career for 10 years, I need to be in management now. So I was just telling everybody, I wanted to be a manager. And then someone called me was like, do you want this director's job? And I was like, sure, what do I send my resume? They're like, Oh, no, you could just have it because you used to work here in the past. And you have XYZ qualification. So if you want it, you could just have it. So I'm like, Yes. Like, that's what we all strive for, for somebody to call you, and give you a high level job, right. So that, you know, I got that call. But I met the goal that I had was to be a manager, I met it even more, because I got a director position. And I, you know, just my work spoke for itself. And so it was kind of given to me in that way. But then I didn't ask like, a lot of questions like, Okay, so what does this look like? So in my mind, you know, I had imagined this job because I was going to be remote and all these things, how I was gonna have all this flexibility. There was none of that. So I didn't ask any questions about that. And also, that was the only goal that I had. So I didn't actually have money goals at this point. I was recently married, I didn't think about like, Okay, so how does taking on a high power job? how's that gonna affect me being a newlywed, I didn't think about like, Okay, so what I want my schedule to be because this particular schedule was all the time every, you know, every day, it was a digital communications position. So everyone thinks that that tweet, and that blog, you know, has to go out at this time. And if it doesn't, the world's gonna end right. So I started to take on that energy where I'm a little bit more laid back. So I didn't think about anything. But this title, right, and not even the money because I like looking back, I was like, I should have paid a whole lot more for this job, right. But it says, sometimes we so focused on one pillar of life, and we ignore the other ones. And we're going to get to the other ones later. But, you know, for most of my life, I had always been focused on the next sort of, like educational or career goal. So it was kind of false expectation that I was ever going to let go of that and get some other goals and other focus areas. So that's kind of where I started back. So after the short term disability, I go back to work because I need money. And I find out that I'm demoted. And I was like, okay, but then I call, I pick up the phone and call my boss. I was like, wait a minute. So I do I make the same amount of money. She's like, Yeah, I was like, oh, okay, so I got to do less. I could go home at 530. And I don't have to make the same amount of money. She was like, Yeah, I was like, I can work with this. And so I use that opportunity to kind of have that extra time to sit down and say, Okay, so what do I want to do with all of my life, not just work. And so therefore, I was be able to put together a vision that included all the things that I wanted. And then I literally took everything off my plate that did not go with this vision, and then started to rebuild how I spent my time and energy based on this vision that included everything that needs to be included, not just work.
Jamila Souffrant 12:56
And now I'm curious, because you know, before you said that you lost you almost lost everything you had to go on disability because you were going so hard. Was that a burnout, you reached a burnout point?
Aisha Moore 13:05
Yep, I reached a burnout point. I didn't know I was going back and forth to the doctor, losing like five pounds a week didn't know what was going on. They were testing me for everything. And finally, one day, my doctor was like, do you think it could be stress and anxiety? And I was like, nope, nope, nope, nope. Because everyone works like this. So that's not it. It's got to be something else. And then after got to the last test, she's like, how about you, you know, tried therapy, and my therapist opened my mind to how much stress I was under. And that's when I really had to tackle it.
Jamila Souffrant 13:33
And you had to actually take off work because of that
Aisha Moore 13:36
for two months, for two months
Jamila Souffrant 13:37
two months? Well, I'm going back there. And I'm now going to go back to the question I started with, but this is really important. So many of us are operating on autopilot, but like our fuel tank is literally on E but it's our setpoint is used to it by now. So we don't even notice that it is on E because we've been running on so long until something drastic happens until there's a big health scare. So I guess I want someone else who's listening who may be in this right now, but doesn't know that that's what this is and that they have an opportunity to stop it before it gets to that big health scare. What that was so was Were there any health signs like or things that you looking back now, you should have said, Oh, you know, in addition to losing weight, but what were the others things that were coming up for you in your body that were happening?
Aisha Moore 14:22
Yeah, yeah. So before we even get to the body, there were some other signs of what I call personal chaos that people should pay attention to. I was always losing my keys. I never knew where they were in the morning. And so every morning was super hectic. And that was impacting my body because my body didn't know why I was like crazy and sort of panicky every morning because I was just trying to find my keys so I could get out the door to get on the train on time. Right. But my body like that, you know, we go back to our basic reactions to stress, which is that fight flight or freeze and so my my body's thinking that I'm fighting Doing something every morning. But no, I'm not, I'm finding myself trying to find my keys every morning. So stuff like that when things start to slip through the cracks. So it happens to all of us, we can't find our keys. And then when we get into the car, we realize the gas light is on because we forgot, like, we should have got some gas last night. So then we're zooming through the streets and that kind of thing, and then everyone is in our way. So when we find ourselves just being really hurried, overwhelmed, to the sense that there's no room for error in our schedule, so if like, again, so if I can't find my keys, then that just is a domino of me being late, all these other things. So that to me, that was for me, the sign that I missed that things were just a little bit chaotic and they didn't need to be so now I you know, put my keys in a certain place. I always go get gas on Thursdays no matter what. So the my tank, my literal gas tank can never be empty. I don't wait for the light anymore. Now, that's a worried I don't have to worry just little little stuff like that. Just taking I couldn't remember like, okay, which part of the parking deck that I park on? I'm not sure. Because I don't even remember driving here. That kind of stuff. always finding that you're like, Okay, apologizing for being late or not being able to get something to people on time. That's the kind of stuff that are the precursors before you get to basically what I call the Pepto bismol. Commercial, the nausea, headaches, indigestion, upset stomach. And that last one, if you remember the jingle, right? So before we get to the Pepto bismol commercial symptoms, it's definitely a lot of that chaos that we can control that we don't that then leads us not even ready for the stuff that we can't control, like our boss being happy or like a job loss or death in the family that we can't handle that stuff. Because overall, our life is chaotic.
Jamila Souffrant 16:45
Yeah. And that sounds like also self sabotage. It's like this never ending cycle of you start your morning, your night, everything is like a cycle, your nights are ending not so great. Your mornings are starting out a hot mess. And then it continues on in your day. And there are little things and I used to notice this to like about myself, like there were little things if I just did, my day could go better. But I just like didn't and I don't know is that like a sign of you kind of like are swept in to this forest that you you can step out of, but in the moment you feel helpless. And I feel like a lot of people feel like that.
Aisha Moore 17:18
Yeah, I've been reading this book right now called the big leap. I think it's a big leap by gay Hendricks. And he talks about this idea that we are just not trained for things to go right multiple times, we were looking for the other shoe to drop, right, we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. And in the process of waiting for the other shoe to drop for something to go bad. We just go ahead and create a bad thing. Because we're like, okay, The bad thing is gonna happen anyway. There's no way I could continue to save this amount of money every month, month after month. So let me go splurge on something. Right. So it's just this, I don't know, if it's just an I don't know if it's an American tendency, or just a human tendency that we've been trained that things can't just go away things can't be at peace. Like I have a hard time with this. Because I'm being at peace is a little bit foreign to me. It's not something I've been used to my whole life. And so then it's like, oh, well, okay, I'm feeling peaceful. My schedule is in order. Let me just add one more thing.
Jamila Souffrant 18:11
Aisha Moore 18:12
And then I'm like,why did I do that? Why did I do that you was at peace. You was at peace girl
Jamila Souffrant 18:17
that is so relatable. I wonder if anyone right now is listening and nodding their head because I even said, like, Oh, this year was gonna be the year of just release. And I was just gonna allow meaning I would do less and let things come to me. February was a month for me it was hard with the weather being in New York and cold. But then like, it was slow. But in a good way. This is what I wanted. Like, I wasn't as busy. And I felt like anxious, like what's happening? Like, I got like, when I'm not kind of running on all cylinders. It feels weird. Like, I almost feel like this, I need to be like, running all over the place. So yes to all that. And what's important. So how this relates to financial independence, which is more of in my opinion, like a lifestyle of what you just want to have control over your time without worrying about money is that technically everyone's working and working so that they can say and have security, and they don't have to do all the things? My fear is that when you do reach that goal, that you'll get there. And you'd be like, Wait a second, this is I'm still not happy. Like That is my biggest fear for people for myself is that you say that that's what you want, which then allows you to kind of like fight against the system and all these things that you don't like, but what happens when all that is good, like you are good. And then you realize, wait, that wasn't the issue. There's other stuff going on?
Aisha Moore 19:31
Right. Right, right. Yeah. So we really have to peel back those layers. Like I mentioned, I went to therapy. And that opened me up to just how I had been such a striver for so long, and it's like, okay, so the things you were striving for was where you had them, right on the basic level, right? And then it's like, then you meet financial independence. And you got to strive even more to do certain things like how do you how do you balance that right so for me, striving right now Looks like to just stay on my plan, stay in the zone, and not get distracted by all of the other shiny things. It's like, okay, you know, stop touching your 401k percentage, just let it stay there and do that, you know, figure out like what your budget is for the things that bring you meaning and joy and like, stay with that. Because like, last month, I bought a bunch of stuff. And I was just like, No, no, no, no, that's easy away from like, you know, all of your dreams and your goals. And so, you know, we have we're still in that striving now. But I think you're right, because you know, I'm not there yet. So I don't know, necessarily what it's gonna look like, when it's time for this retirement because about, I don't know, a couple months ago, I'm 42. So a couple months ago, I was like, I'm so glad I found financial independence like fire, because this whole 67 retire, social carry thing. I was like, that's 20 more years of working, I'm tired, at least 20 years. So that really gave me the motivation and be like, Okay, let me figure this out. What I'm gonna do in the next 10 years,
Jamila Souffrant 21:02
yeah, but I think if you're doing it, I don't want to say, right, but if you're doing it in a way that sets you up for the best success while you are reaching for this big goal, and whatever that date is, and age that you're able to, like, exit the traditional workforce or keep your job. But now you know, you can leave if you want, you have to find ways to build that life now to incorporate that life now. So I want to go back to you talked about, like creating this vision. So you accepted the job, but it was really just the title, and you didn't consider all the other things. So what are ways in which someone can look at the full picture? What are the components of that, that they should be looking at, you know, not just work, but what are the components of someone's life that if they look at it in a holistic way, brings complete joy?
Aisha Moore 21:44
Okay, so you've got your work, then you have your relationships, then you have your physical health, your mental health, your spiritual health, your finances, and your meaning, and enjoyment in your life and service to others. So I would say those are the eight things that we should consider what do those look like, in the long term? And almost in some ways, like you said, like you said, what does that look like at the retire part? And then between now and retirement, what does it look like along the way? So what do each one of those things look like along the way? So one of the things in my vision is I want my home to be a retreat center, right? So once I feel like a retreat center for me, but also eventually have a home where like, people can come and do self care stuff with me and things of that nature, right. And so in 2020 2021, the way I made that happen is and I should have done it for you, Jimmy but but I often do, like if it's my interviews that are like recorded on video, in front of a bunch of plants, so that like, people are like, Oh, looks like you're in a spot. It's literally like two feet by two feet in my little office, but I make it look like a spa, because it's giving me that spa energy already. And then now also in the virtual world. When I do like my coaching and my speaking engagements, My office is now the stage, right. And so I used to like, I used to rent like cute little places to hold events and workshops. And I'm like, well, this is the workshop space. So I'm actually working right now with the interior designer to help me redesign the office into that retreat center workspace, because that's how I can have that now until I get to the point where we might buy a new house or move somewhere to make it a full retreat space. I'm trying to figure out okay, how do I make this 10 foot by 13 box that I sit in all the time into a retreat space so that people can see that now and that can be that for me now, eventually, that's gonna look like a bigger home with some land and bla bla bla bla, but I'm like, Okay, how do I make that happen right now?
Jamila Souffrant 23:45
Yeah, I love that. Like, I love the concept of if you have three columns, like the now where you are the on the journey, and then the ultimate where you want to be, right? And if you look at all those components of your life, how can you start, like, map out what you want to do, but then map out ultimately, okay, what's the process of getting there? How are you going to increase the the wellness part, and you know, the environment, like where you work and where you live? And do it in a way in which it doesn't deter you, but it helps fuel you. And so one of the things now that you mentioned, you listed about eight, I believe, parts and components? Do you feel like there's one leading Domino? Like, this may be a very hard question to answer, but like, what if you can't do all the things right? Like even thinking about it's like, oh my gosh, like, Who has time to like focus on each of these at the same time? But is there one that if you focus on and do maybe health, because then health gives you energy and all this that then helps make all the other dominoes fall easier?
Aisha Moore 24:41
Yeah. So how I really attacked this whole situation was, I first had to start with my mental health, because that's it. So again, when I went back to work, my first goal was just to go to work and stay there all day and not leave because all of the anxiety and all of the burnout, I wouldn't like I would come to work and say hi to my office, and She would go to a meeting, she would come back and I was gone. Because like I had a panic attack, or I just wasn't feeling good or that kind of thing. So I really realized, okay, so I have to work on my mental health first, because I can't, I literally can't do anything else with that. And so from there pretty much every year for the last seven years, I've made like one thing, my pillar of those eight things that I mentioned. So with mental health, then it was spiritual health. And then, kind of almost at the same time, those were, I was working on my relationship to my employment and career. So I kind of take one as the main one every year and to focus on that. And then the other ones, they're not at the forefront, but they're still there, and I'm still checking in with them. And so they may not be so active, I might be reading books about the topics, I might be listening to podcasts on those topics, checking in with myself on those things. But the one, there's always one that I'm putting, like the most time into,
Jamila Souffrant 25:55
I love that. And you know, it may be different for everyone based on what they value. You know, some people really do hold health up there in terms of you and physical activity. So that's a priority. And when they do that, then they have more energy to make that sales call or going to work and ask for that raise what but so it's I do think this is a self reflection of what would make the most sense for you, and even try to experiment, right? Like maybe instead of you can try, you know, the show would be a year. But for someone who is wanting to create a holistic journey, maybe say, Okay, let's try if I focus on my finances, right, like for this month meeting, like that is the lead Domino and see how that feels. And then next month, I'm going to make the health a priority. So you're going to be focusing on eating healthier, and moving your body like that is the main priority. So I think you can experiment to see what moves you more in the other areas of your life, what does that lead Domino for you.
Aisha Moore 26:45
So look at all those eight that I mentioned, you might have to rewind to get them but those eight that I mentioned, and then measure your satisfaction and each one of those from one to 10. And then you can decide whether you want to go with the one that's the highest, so that you can take it even higher. Or if you want to go with the one that's the lowest, and then you can start to make some moves on that. So I would recommend just like Okay, so how satisfied Am I am I with this area of my life on a scale of one to 10? And then figure out if you want to start from the top or you wanna start from the bottom?
Jamila Souffrant 27:17
So Aisha with that now, right, like, so everyone's like, all right, I get that, like, I would love you know, my workspace is not what I want it to be, especially now that most a lot of people are home, even me, I'm finding that now where I'm just like, Oh my gosh, like I want all these things that my house right now does not have, which I now need to spend and invest money to make that happen, which not that it's in direct conflict to my goals, but it is then taking money from where it could be invested or doing something else to this. So how does one decide how much they should put toward improving the other areas where it's not like investing paying off debt? It's like other things that can help that.
Aisha Moore 27:51
Yeah, so I know you're a big fan of this. So big fan of you need a budget. And that kind of changed my life to say, Yes, I have money. But that money isn't for that. It's kind of like when your parents used to be like, Well, do you have McDonald's money, right? Like, I have money, but it's not McDonald's money. It's not for that. So I always have to sit and say, Okay, do I want to based on my goals and my values? Is it worth it to me to change that little piece of the puzzle? A little bit? And, or, for me, it's also like, okay, outside of my main job in terms of the other ways that I make money, then I'll say, Okay, so then that means I need to get one more speaking engagement, or I need to get one more client. And that fuels me to go get that because I'm like, okay, I don't want to take from a particular goal. So right now I'm saving for a car in cash, me and my husband, were in that car accident back in August. And we're fine. Everything's cool. And normally, I would have been like, okay, we need a car. But since we're at home all day, and the pandemic, I was like, I think we can wait. And I think we could save, but there's been you know, but it's very tempting to like, watch that account grow and be like, Well, you could like, buy a little track jacket, oh, you could buy this or buy that. But I really have used my vision to say, okay, so is this decision, no matter what the decision is, this decision will be me away from or towards my vision. And if it's gonna move me away, how far away am I willing to let it move me? Yeah. Because sometimes you will let it move you a little bit. But as I said, how far if I'm going to go this direction? How far off track? Am I willing to go off track and then make decisions from there?
Jamila Souffrant 29:25
Yeah, and even you know, with the list of the eight components that you mentioned, and, you know, talked about putting in a list of what's currently happening for you, and even ranking it, like you said, ranking, how you are, how you feel about it, but then on the journey, so where you are now on the journey, meaning while you're on the path to this goal of financial independence and freedom, what that looks like, and then the ultimate goal would like to put numbers around it, right, but not just numbers, but like, specific thing. So for example, when it comes to let's just say, in an environment, let's just say you know, your environment was one of those things where you live where you work, you know where you are now you just like it's cool. But maybe ultimately I would need to be redone or buy a new house. Right. But in the meantime, that's not going to be possible. So perhaps it is adding some decor, and like setting a budget around that, right. So I just think in each area, you can pick something and some things that help you feel and help you feel more aligned and better in those areas and put price points around it and dates on when you want to get them done. And then budget forward for that. So that way, you can start incorporating these changes into your life, like practically into your life.
Aisha Moore 30:38
Yeah, cuz I don't want my journey personally, to end financial independence, I'm not willing for it to be miserable along the way and waiting for this time of like, Okay, if it's miserable, this time, I'm going to this misery because later I'm going to reap this joy, I'm going to reap this happiness or whatever. And I think that's the way we treat also stress that a lot of people like, Okay, I'm just going to like, work really hard, and do all these things for four months, because I'm going to go on vacation. So COVID is a good example. Even though it was sort of the beginning of the year, people were looking forward to spring break, like I know, all the families were looking forward to spring break until now. Okay, I'm just gonna go through all the stress until spring break spring break, did not happen. So then we were already starting off this thing that was unimaginable costs caused so much mental stress and anxiety, we were already like, on a scale of one to 10, like down to three, you know, three, or four or five. And then like COVID depletes us all the way there. So I really recommend not, you know, with self care, like stress happens every day. So self care happens every day like that is my mantra. And so I think the same thing can apply to our financial journey, is that success that we're looking for that end point, like, how can we get a taste of it every day. So I know someone who will, in their dream, they want to be able to always like stay at luxury hotels, they can't do that right now. But they'll at least book a meal there while they're on vacation, or have a drink there while they're on vacation. So they can have that luxury hotel feel, even though that's not where they're staying for the whole seven days of the vacation. So I think we have to give ourselves a taste of it, because that's what keeps us going. Because again, you can burn out and your financial independence journey, because you're like, forget about this, you know, I've been saving so hard, and I've given myself nothing. And then that's when instead of doing something little you make, like the big drastic change, that totally knocks you off. Because you've been depriving yourself for so long. So I recommend it in life in general, but also when it comes to our financial independence journeys as well.
Jamila Souffrant 32:37
Yeah, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. And I love that idea. And it's again, it's also face, it's that little luxury for like, that luxury, having that is important, then find a way to put it into your life. And then also, there are levels to this, because there are some ways in which you can experience self care. And it's $0, right, like, I've been on a meditation kick lately, and it's felt so good. I feel like it's kind of, you know, in a way, based on my lifestyle, and all the stuff I have going on, it does feel like a luxury to have that time to myself, right. And that's free. Like, I mean, in terms of business costs when I sit down and even if it's for five minutes, and then there's like, more expensive ones, right? Like where it's just like, okay, or I can go like maybe take a really long walk or do all this stuff. And that's free. But Okay, next level, you know, if we put even bands around how much so there's the free enjoyment in this scenario, and then there's like the 10 to $100 experience, then there's $100 to 500. Like, you know, you can also say to yourself, and have that like I actually recommend, and I'm you know, I'm thinking about doing a separate episode on this, have them have different buckets at different price points, and that you can depending on where you are pull from. And if you're like, you know what, this is not a month that I can spend $500 on this thing, but I can't spend 50 you already have, like, earmarked. That's what my $50 experience looks like. And that feels good.
Aisha Moore 33:56
Absolutely, absolutely. Because in a lot of ways, again, as I was saying, if people are waiting for the opportunity to do something to take care of their mental health to take care of their stress, so they're waiting for time, or they're waiting for money. And there's just so many things we can do to just redesign our lives. So our mornings aren't hectic, that we have time to transition from work to whatever our lifestyle is. So if it's being a mom or being a partner or whatever, what have you like just having the space, the space because just the the physical space in terms of like the time but also the mental space like that is such a gift. It's so valuable, you can't really put a price on it. So you have all of that and then then there's the other things like I love a good manicure with some nail art like that is one of my things, but I know its place. I know that like if my nail polish is cracked and chipped, like getting that fix is not gonna solve the fact that I like over committed, right? It's not gonna solve that it's gonna make me feel good in one area. It's a part of like, you know, self expression so I get that good self esteem feeling but I know that you Actually not the solution to other problems. So we have to make sure that whatever self care solutions we go after they're actually solving problems that reduce our stress. A lot of times we go around it with other things. And there's like, Well, no, you actually need to sit down and have that conversation about that. What about your budget with your partner, or you need to ask for the raise, or you need to get that project off your plate, like, those are the actual things we have to do in order to reduce our stress. But instead, we do a lot of things that cost money that go around it, but it doesn't actually reduce and long term stress reduction.
Jamila Souffrant 35:33
Oh, that is a good one. Aisha that's really good. Because that's like that band aid fix that were like, Well, you know, like, this will make me feel better. And you do what you like, oh, it actually didn't. And but you spent that money. And so discernment is key here, discernment on and again, no one can really answer every single thing for you, you have to really look into yourself to know like, what changes and what spending like in that area can actually do for your, like mental health, because some people will say, Well, you know, I know having that nice car will make me feel better. And I'll be good. And maybe for some people, it's true. Like they're more, they're more motivated, they have a different pep in their step, when they're asking for money and how they relate to people in the world. And it works. And for some people getting that nice car does nothing but give them you know, like a momentary boost. And then that's it.
Aisha Moore 36:19
Yeah, yeah. So my nail tech and I have had this discussion as to whether should we call Dave Ramsey and ask if nails he was saying that was like, an essential, because we're like, it's essential for us that we always joke that like, let's call Dave Ramsey and see what he was saying about our nails being essential, but that's something that we you know, she and I happen to value.
Jamila Souffrant 36:40
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I also want to go also into this every day, right? Like my goal here is to give people like tools that they can everyday use for their lives. And one of the concepts I saw you put on your Instagram, I even shared it from my Jamila Souffrant Instagram with this idea of you call it revenge wasn't nighttime revenge?
Aisha Moore 36:57
Oh, bedtime revenge, procrastination. Every now everyone was like out.
Jamila Souffrant 37:01
Yeah, so I want you to explain what that is. Because again, this is like talking to the quality of our lives. People like how we feel on the day to day journey. And so tell us more about this bedtime revenge and procrastination.
Aisha Moore 37:14
Cool. You know, you're just on Instagram scrolling and something like stops you in your tracks. And so it was this image that explain what's called I think it's revenge bedtime. procrastination. So it's this idea that for those of us who are overworked, have a lot of things going on. We know that sleep is important. And we know that we will have a better day if we get all of our sleep. We know that very clear. It's not something some people don't know that. But it's for people who know that. But because we feel like okay, when I deserve self care, I deserve wind down time, then we do things to procrastinate. So let me give an example of like from child children, right, the children always want that last cup of water, that last bedtime story, like we know what it looks like for kids to procrastinate on bedtime, right? Because we for them, they don't necessarily can connect the dots that have like, Okay, I'm not gonna feel great in the morning. But as adults, we know that but instead, we still do all these things at nighttime to procrastinate to and really to, I was a really to decompress, but then the deep compression goes on for so many hours. The next thing we know, it's 2am. And we're like, oh, I gotta be up at six and two, now you're not getting only getting four hours asleep. And then you feel super shameful. But then you do it again, Night after night, after night. So that's what that is.
So but then I feel like it's also connected to this other concept from Gretchen Rubin. Gretchen Rubin has a book called The four tendencies. And the tendency that most like the majority of people are a tendency called an obliger. Right? So we so which means that we meet expectations that other people put upon us, but we never meet that we have a harder time meeting expectations that we set for ourselves. So they're the givers, right, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, but at some point, we're like, I've given too much. I'm taking my time back. I'm gonna stay up all night reading books, or playing a video game or binge watching something because like, you know, I'm tired of giving other people I have my time for myself. But then again, it has to at some point has diminishing returns, right? So it's okay to decompress. It's okay to you know, spend some time scrolling at night, but we have to set a limit on it. So it doesn't become this complete negative thing. So this is how I work on this. at nine o'clock, my phone alarm goes off, and it says stop scrolling IG and read a book. It used to say wind downtime, but that was that was even too amorphous for my brain. It was literally needed to tell me what the next step was to close Instagram and read a book now my Okay, so I'll read like a book or I like to do the crossword puzzle on the New York Times app or the spelling bee in that kind of thing. And that's Seems to relax me enough to then be able to go to bed. But for whatever reason, we're like fighting against going to bed. To our own detriment.
Jamila Souffrant 40:08
Yes. When I saw you put down like, Yes, because that's the thing, like you feel like the whole day was spent doing other things for other people, especially like the kids, I'm like, this is my time now. So I'm going to do, you know, and spend as much time as I want, but then it's a cycle, you just wake up in this depleted, and you feel bad about it. And so you're going to not sleep. So the next day, you're just like, Well, I didn't get enough time to do what I want to do. So here I am, again, scrolling, which is addicting.
Aisha Moore 40:33
Mm hmm. And, you know, as we all know, especially for social social is your jam. It's designed to make us do that. So you know, you know, give yourself a little bit like, pat on the back. It's like, it's not me, it's the algorithm. But yeah, we do have to, like, shut it off.
Jamila Souffrant 40:49
Right. And also, what you said to was being able to tell the people No, so I think that's, that's, that's an important part. Um, so the whole obliger and just like our personalities, and wanting to be accepted and liked, and all these things, and some of it, you do, because it does help you with your interpersonal relationships, and you have to learn to give and take in this world, but at some point, I do believe a lot of us are doing a type detriment, whether it's financially and or just emotionally, and they're all connected in most times. So explain how self care that that part of it like saying no, is actually a real big part to improving our lives emotionally.
Aisha Moore 41:27
Definitely, definitely. So we have to have healthy boundaries, right. So you, you don't want to have boundaries that are so rigid, that you're inflexible, but you don't want them to be porous as well. So like what you said earlier, it goes back to discernment, like knowing the situations where having the boundary is going to be the ultimate thing you can do for your mental health. wellness is like your happiness overall. Whereas other times, not setting the boundary could be okay. And for me, I'm not really good at saying no itself, like some people are like, no is a complete sentence. Okay? Sure. That's just not a reality, for me. But what I have done is, make sure that I like write everything down, put things on my schedule, so that I can literally say, I don't have time, and not because I'm saying it facetiously, I literally can look at something and say, I don't have time for that. And then again, so so there's like one level that literally, there might be something I want to do, but I'd have to stop myself cuz like even people like can you help me with this, and I get excited, because I want to help her and I want to help. I love that good feeling. But it's like, you actually don't have time. So sometimes we have to ask questions of those people to say, Okay, so what is it? Because you know, people do it in a diminutive way, they'll be like, Can you just help me with this little thing? That little thing is like 10 times what they really said, right? So you got to ask questions, and all of that kind of stuff. And then literally see if you have time. So that's one way to sort of saying say no, without like saying no. The other way is, to me is a little closer to note is, again, like I mentioned earlier, I'm like, okay, so do I need to do this? What is this doing for me? Am I moving towards my vision? Or am I moving away from my vision? That question, the third question is, am I going to die or lose my job? By saying no to this? I've had to get really, really basic with some of those things. Because there's a fear that comes like, Oh, well, if I don't say yes to this, and people are not going to like me, or people are not going to respect me we're going to take away from opportunities. And some days, I just have to be like, not gonna die. I'm not gonna lose my job. So just say no. Take yourself to sleep. And it's going to be okay.
Jamila Souffrant 43:34
Yeah, stop putting, you know, your own thoughts. You know, you try to perceive what other people are thinking. And there's just like, they're not even mad. They're just like, okay, and you're like, oh, like most people are very, most people are reasonable, for the most part. So Aisha to, like, this has been great. I want you to tell everyone where you are on your financial independence journey. I know you're still on it. And I would love for you just to share that quickly. And then we'll wrap up where everyone can find you.
Aisha Moore 44:00
Yeah, so I came to this and to by way of Naseema, who was one of the guests on this podcast, and Sema and I have a mutual friend. And when I saw that, you know, I started seeing her podcast and all these things about how she's paying off his debt. I was like, okay, girl, tell me how and so that's how I learned about the financial independence, like the whole FIRE movement. I learned your podcast, I just started binge listening to all these different podcasts to figure out okay, so how can I do this differently? So again, it goes back to the vision I was like, okay, so I don't want to work for another 25 years, where to do that at? I'm not doing it. And so how can I move closer to that? Because what I realize is that within my family, you know, there's some people who like don't have jobs at all people who may have you know, are making less than 30k. And then people who are in the upper echelon, well, all of us were broke, because it doesn't matter how many how much money you bring in. If you spend it all, then you're broke. So I had to think about Okay, So what about my future if I don't want to work all these other hours? And what do I, you know, all these other years? And what do I need to do? So first thing I had to do was add up the numbers, I had to just be very clear about two numbers. One was how much debt was I really in? And get away from this, like, good debt versus bad debt? Like how much debt was I really in? Number one, how much interest was I paying? Every year? It's real cute when you get your interest statement so that you can write that off on your taxes, but that's money you paid, right? So like How so? So that's money that and that was like, Okay, I need to flip that and go from having those, those numbers, the interest payments, to being savings payments. So those are the two numbers I had to get focused on. And then I had to figure Okay, so what was the easiest way to like earn some extra money to do this. So as I mentioned, before, I found fire I was doing things like mystery shopping, it is legit, hit me up, I tell you how to get some free dinners. With mystery shopping, I was doing extreme couponing. But those are, you know, going to be like incremental things. And so I had to get to the point like, Okay, so what can I do to make some bigger leap. So one was setting a budget being really clear about that, realizing that, you know, Christmas and oil changes for my car, were not emergencies, they're things that I know are happening. So just getting real, it was really about honesty and integrity, right with what was going on and stop hiding from these numbers, realizing that my credit cards are a form of payment, not another bank account is all of these mental shifts. So now, this is the first year that I'm like contributing to maxing out my 401k, you know, so I moved them all to be in one place, and all this kind of stuff. So I could see those balances grow, learn about investing in index funds, so that my retirement account could grow instead of like just kind of being there, I don't know what percent it was that before, those kind of things. So really getting those basic things under my belt. So now, it's just like, I paid off, I don't know the number of debt, but like, every year, my net worth was going up by 20 or 30,000, every year, just by paying off the debt. Like I said, like this time, we're going to buy a car in cash, I'm learning now about real estate investing. So that way, that can be another source of income. So really just loving the fact that, you know, credit cards are paid off attacking the loans that I have, aggressively, but also also saving at the same time, because I you know, there's things I want to do in terms of investing. And if I want to start to if I want to not have to wait 25 years to retire, then it's like, how do I you know, that account, that's going to be the bridge account for those years, you know, I need to be able to live during those times. So it's really revolutionize me to realize, like, I have enough, I just needed a little mindset change, a little education. And so we could do that. And then also just within my business, realizing that people will pay me for things at a good rate, at the same rate, or more than when I get paid at work. And so being able to do those things as well. So that I can have a little bit of luxury, but also just keep stacking, because 25 years, it's not it's not an option.
Jamila Souffrant 48:16
So I mean, we didn't really talk about this in detail, but you know, you're working and you had you have your business on the side where you do stuff. So I want you to talk about that briefly. But I have a challenge for you a Aisha because you I mean, maybe you just didn't know the numbers just now. But I would love for you to like, share and look back at how much you did save and pay off and invest over the years that you intentionally started this because I always find that when people like tally that up, like I know the number, it's a realization it's a it's a boost in confidence, because it's just like, wow, I did that. Right. So I just I would love to see that update from you on your site. Yeah,
Aisha Moore 48:49
the number I do know is again, we haven't we didn't really talk about this in terms of like, race and upbringing is but I do know that the net worth of like a black family is only like $17,000. And for a white family. It's like $170,000 I'm close to white people money, I'll just say that in terms of my
Jamila Souffrant 49:10
love it love it, okay, and then we're going to invent them, eventually we're going to even that it's going to be equal. So I love that. Okay, so tell us a little bit more about your business Aisha and where people can find more about you and follow you and what services you offer.
Aisha Moore 49:24
Sure, so I consider myself a stress management expert and self care advocate. And through that I help successful women who are burned out get serious about self care so they can overcome overwhelm sustained success, and revive relationships because a lot of times all the stress stuff is really impacting our relationships, whether it be personal or with family and things of that nature. So with that, I do group coaching. And I also do a fair amount of speaking at universities, nonprofit associations actually spoke at for a movie studio the other day, so that was awesome. So really just trying to put this information out there. And so the best way to find me so if you want to get on my email list just go to seriousaboutselfcare.com. And there there's a template for you that will help you put together your first self care plan. And then I can be found all over the internet at selfcarebyAisha.com at self care by show on Instagram, check out my reels. They're really fun. I love
Jamila Souffrant 50:24
they are they're so cute and informative, cute and informative.
Aisha Moore 50:29
Right exactly. So we're bringing the facts and you know, we're bringing a little bit of the ouches to you but in a very fun and dynamic way. So really, you can find me on my website and on Instagram are the main places where I hang out
Jamila Souffrant 50:41
and I will link all that in the show notes if you want whenever you listen to this click details and or go to journey to launch calm to get all the links that I Isha mentioned. I should thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm always lovely to have actual journeyer in the rocket seat, you know who has an expertise to share so super excited to be able to talk to you.
Aisha Moore 51:00
All right, and thank you and I can't wait to talk to the juniors when the episode comes out.
Jamila Souffrant 51:09
Okay, juniors I hope you got a lot from this conversation with Aisha. Let us know what you think tag me at journey to launch I'm at journey to launch on Instagram. Aisha is at self care by Aisha on Instagram. Let us know what you thought. If you're listening to this episode, take that screenshot. Share it on your stories or on your main feed tell her friend because I really do think that this is important I have so many people reach out and talk to me about burnout and that you know they don't know if they can sustain at the pace they're going when it comes to their job and reaching their money goals. So self care is extremely important. And I hope you got a lot from this. We didn't mention the Naseema in the episode so the Naseema that's our girl from financially intentional, so check her out at financially intentional calm also Naseema does have a book coming out I'm so excited for her. It's called Smart Money, the personal finance plan to crush debt. By the time this airs out, you should be able to pick it up. Check out financiallyintentional.com. Also, again, let me know what you think what you thought what you're going to take away from this episode and do differently. How are you rating all the areas of your life? What are you going to do to improve them? How are you going to focus first what's that lead Domino that we talked about in the episode
Don't forget you can get the episode Show Notes for this episode by going to journey to launch comm or click the description of wherever you're listening to this and you can still grab your jumpstart guide for free to help you on your journey to financial freedom by going to journeytolaunch.com/jumpstart.
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